Recently in Overpriced Category

For some reason, a lot of 1940s houses are coming on the market. Today's ugly 1949 building is a bungalow with "huge potential":

2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1,260 sqft, 4,000-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40382108, $419,900
Great east end location. Needs TLC, but huge potential. [...]

First of all, it's not really an east end location--it's on the west side of Broadway. Second, I fail to see how a n ugly 1940s-era bungalow in bad shape need of "TLC" on a small lot right by Otis has "huge potential." Third, if it needs TLC, why the hell did you buy it for...

Last sale and tax info

Sold 10/07/2005: $560,000

2008 Property Tax: $7,236

and quickly proceed to do very little to fix it up and unleash its huge potential? Might it be because you paid way too much and ran out of money?

There appears to be an infinite supply of idiots running around loose and buying houses in Alameda. Be careful out there.

Few interesting new listings means few new posts. The most exciting new property to hit the market this week is this remarkably boring wartime west-ender at 221 Central:

4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,323 sqft, 5,280-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40381893, $599,000
Charming [...] Bungalow with a porch, hardwood floors, [...] kitchen with solid counter tops. Separate Garage/Workshop. [...] backyard with fruit trees and fenced front yard.

Zip Realty says it's a short sale, and it sure looks like it: 

Last sale and tax info

Sold 05/05/2005: $600,000

2008 Property Tax: $7,750

Why anybody would pay $600K ($447 / sqft) for a 1943 bungalow in that location is a mystery.  Expecting essentially the same price 3 1/2 years later in this market (with a listing date in late November on top of that) just makes no sense at all, even with solid counter tops and a white picket fence. Drop it $150K and get it over with.

This week's Victorian made me laugh.

4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2,494 sqft, ~6,000-sqft lot, 3 units (2x 1BR, 1x2BR), MLS(r) #40380511

Darling Victorian Triplex [...] Magical garden w/ space galore! [...] units all with large kitchens and lots of original details. A must see!

It certainly doesn't look like a house that started out as a triplex--more like a high-basement cottage whose lower half was put to use. I'm happy to be corrected if that is indeed one big Victorian with 2,494 sqft of above-ground living space (thanks to reader T. Fergusen for the tip; I might verify it if the agent holds an open house).

What made me laugh, exactly?

They're asking $1,150,000 ($461 / sqft). Assuming 6.5% interest and 10% down, we're looking at a $6,500 mortgage, with another $1,000 for property tax. How exactly do you expect to cover that with 2 1-bedroom and 1 2-bedroom units' rents?

What is it about big lots and "magical gardens" in the west end that causes owners to lose their minds over the value of their properties? What is it about the current market that leads people to believe they'll be able to unload their houses at these delusional prices, especially considering many of the comps haven't exactly set the market on fire?

This property has no business being priced in the seven digits.

Not much grows on the ugly west side of this lovely island, probably due to its recent past as a contaminated military base. Other than McMansions, that is. Today's huge property has the following specs:

4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 3,179 sqft, 4,160-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40380296, $929,000
(public records say 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 bathrooms)

[...] highly sought after Plan 9 [...] features a dramatic entry w/vaulted ceilings and exterior balcony. [...] beautifully upgraded w/ granite counters, maple cabinetry, upgraded flooring, [...] Developer has SOLD OUT of this model!

There isn't much land around this thing, and it makes you wonder how exactly the 3,179 sqft is used--is every bedroom a 25x25 ballroom?

Look on the bright side of life, though--this is a sought-after, sold-out model! I wonder if they'll throw in the de rigueur SUV (or truck) parked in front.

The sale history suggests the seller is expecting to get out from under this anvil with some money left in the bank, maybe so they can make the payments on that shiny black Armada with alloy wheels:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 04/07/2005: $856,500

2008 Property Tax: $11,892

But who knows, maybe that price doesn't include the "upgrades" and they're already upside down after agent commission.

There's a special place in hell for folks who build, buy and sell these monstrosities. They're going to be in good company.

The real estate market has slowed down considerably now that Halloween and the election have passed. Not much is selling, and most of the transactions that do happen close below their last listed price:

Alameda Home Sales Trends

Written by Alameda Sun    Published: Thursday, 06 November 2008

All real estate transactions listed below were supplied to the Alameda Sun by Chuck Bianchi [...] This information is deemed reliable but not guaranteed. Sales records from Oct. 13-Nov. 2, 2008 Address Type Price 19 Purcell Drive Townhouse Below  1971 Gresham Drive House Below  3216 Monte Vista Ave. House Below  644 Waterfall Isle House Below  8 Redondo Court Condo Same 609 Sheffield Road  House Above  960 Shorepoint Court #101 Condo Below  1013 Pearl St. House Below 2960 Gibbons Drive House Same 1310 Eighth St. House Below  1113 Rosewood Way House Below  5 Jouett Square House Below  2029-B Otis Drive Condo Below 2508 Crist St. House Below  3215 Fairview Ave. House Below 3 Killdeer Court House Same  1414 Gibbons Drive House Below 3266 Cape Cod Court Townhouse Below 1345 Fountain Street House Above 3259 Sterling Ave. House Above  3335 Solomon Lane Townhouse Below 960 Shorepoint Court #200 Condo Above Number of sales above asking price 4 Number of sales at asking price 3 Number of sales below asking price 15

Not surprisingly, new listings are rare, and the few that do appear have been particularly uninspired. Maybe in a bid to drum up excitement, today's little West End wartime bungalow was listed three times, by the same agent, with three different MLS(r) numbers (349522, 40379715, 20835333).


The specs:

3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1,050 sqft, 5,280-sqft lot, built in 1945, $525,000 ($500 / sqft)

The location is boring. The specs are boring. The property looks boring. The price is excessive. A perfect recipe for a quick sale, wouldn't you think?

Even the sale history is boring:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 08/05/1977: $50,000

2008 Property Tax: $1,824

Assuming the property sells for $525,000 (bear with me here), we're looking at almost 8% y-o-y appreciation every single year since 1977. Not only is it unreasonable, given the multiple recessions and housing busts that have happened between 1977 and now, that's also not as good as the S&P 500 for the same period, and stocks don't require new tile or roofs. It's also not even as good as inflation over that time period--by my count, annualizing the 9 months' worth of CPI we have for 2008, inflation alone (not appreciation) would bring this home's price to about $554,000.

Year	Price	Inflation %
1977	$53,250	6.5
1978	$58,050	7.6
1979	$64,790	11.3
1980	$71,290	13.5
1981	$74,753	10.3
1982	$77,661	6.2
1983	$81,429	3.2
1984	$88,798	4.3
1985	$95,170	3.6
1986	$101,004	1.9
1987	$110,801	3.6
1988	$120,131	4.1
1989	$130,493	4.8
1990	$141,609	5.4
1991	$151,056	4.2
1992	$161,112	3.0
1993	$173,840	3.0
1994	$186,845	2.6
1995	$201,999	2.8
1996	$218,381	3.0
1997	$234,032	2.3
1998	$250,792	1.6
1999	$272,203	2.2
2000	$297,155	3.4
2001	$318,770	2.8
2002	$339,938	1.6
2003	$369,320	2.3
2004	$400,055	2.7
2005	$434,601	3.4
2006	$468,028	3.2
2007	$503,045	2.8
2008	$553,873	4.9

 

Real estate is such a great investment.

Our old pal Ringo Liu is back on craigslist with a vengeance and a new passel of unsellable overpriced loss leaders. Today's fine specimen is...

2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,694 sqft, $740,000

$740000 36 Sea Bridge (alameda) (map)

---

Reply to: toringoliu@aol.com ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-31, 3:05PM PDT


Sunny one level House in great location. Remodeled Kitchen. Updated bath w/ skylight. Elegant Wood floors. 2 patio doors. High catherdal ceiling. Sunnny floor plan with atrium. Cul-de-sac. private backyard w/ hot tub. Spacious front driveway. Steps to lagoon path, school & shopping. No bonds.

You might think $437 / sqft isn't too bad, and it's certainly a bargain compared to two years ago:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 09/08/2006: $842,000

2008 Property Tax: $10,248

You read right, somebody paid almost $500 / sqft for a boring late-1970s rancher in a tightly-packed neighborhood filled with boring 1970s ranchers.

Why Ringo Liu doesn't mention the potentially appealing fact this property is within walking distance from Alameda's giant golf course is a mystery. Maybe people have learned that "near the golf course" also means "near the Oakland airport."

Today's sub-$500K Craigslist post on Leonard Court (where is that, again?) is described as a "great opportunity."

2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,035 sqft, 2,250-sqft lot, $134 / month HOA, $499,000 $482 / sqft)

This well-priced detached two bedroom two bathroom home on Harbor Bay in the tranquil Normandy development offers a great opportunity at $499,000.

The single story home is located on a tree lined court, within steps to the community pool and park. Shopping, bayside trails, and ferry service to San Francisco are all within a half mile.

The home's open and functional floor plan features vaulted ceilings and a unique open hallway that enhances the living space. Everything is located on a single floor for convenient living.

The master suite has a full bath and sliding glass doors that open to the sunny patio. The kitchen features tile floor and counters with modern appliances and a breakfast nook.

Both bedrooms sport newly installed carpet and the living/dining area and hallway are enhanced with newly installed high quality flooring.

Also featured is an attached 2 car garage with laundry hookups and direct access to the kitchen.

All these great qualities add up to a special opportunity to own a detached home on Harbor Bay!

Was it a great opportunity two years ago, too?

Last sale and tax info

Sold 08/01/2006: $590,000

2008 Property Tax: $7,358

I'm getting really tired of agents calling overpriced properties (we're still talking about half a million dollars for a hair over 1,000 square feet, for goodness' sake) "great opportunities" just because they're listed for less than their previous excessive price. A "great opportunity" is a house whose price is not only affordable but on the low side compared to similar properties, or comparably priced but special and desirable in some way. An unremarkable little house on a handkerchief-sized lot that happens to be somewhat less overpriced than it was a couple of years ago does not qualify.

Fernside strikes again with another obscenely overpriced property, represented by an agent who really should know better. 3231 Fernside Blvd just appeared (MLS(r) #40378008) with the grotesquely inflated list price of $939,000:

(listing) 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, approx. 5,200-sqft lot, $939,000
(public records) 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,472 sqft, 5,376-sqft lot

40' Deep Water Dock. [...] 3 plus bedroom home with water view and access [...] Lots of charm with up-dated kitchen, baths, newer windows and newer roof. [...]

Today's new listing is a cute, decent-sized home on Otis, east of Park street, built in the 1930s.

3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,980 sqft, 5,040-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40377243, $799,000

Georgeous and spacious! [...] original styling and tasteful updates. Move-in condition, excellent layout. [...] serene backyard. Beautiful, recently remodeled in-law cottage [...]  Coveted East End location!

I wonder if the property's ZipRealty agent, Marissa Kjera, is new to Alameda, because that section of Otis is not exactly a "Coveted East End location." It's not bad, if you don't mind the constant flow of commuter traffic to and from 94502 and the Oakland airport, but it's not the East End that drives people crazy. Here's a helpful labeled chart for Ms. Kjera's future listings:

1,980 sqft makes for a nice big house, and $799,000 is a nice big price ($404 / sqft, buyers not found). But what with those pesky agent commissions and the recently remodeled cottage, maybe our sellers can't afford to list it for a more realistic price:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 03/31/2005: $750,000

2007 Property Tax: $9,361

The property tax alone makes me shudder, not covet.

Another relist today! You may remember a hapless condo on High Street, which had been on the market for 7 months back in April. It didn't sell at $745,000, $680,000 or $530,000, even after a year, even though the urgency in the last listing suggested some flexibility on the seller's part:

Must sell now! Right on estuary, large living room, beamed ceilings in master, add'l b/p w/private bath. Corner fireplace, boat dock. Must see this special unit.

It's back as MLS(r) #840945, and of course it's listed at a considerably lower higher price than its last unsuccessful attempt ($589,000), presumably to ruin stoke its chances of selling in this lamentable red-hot end-of-year season.

[...] very unique location perched above the high street bridge [...] very nice view [...] boat parking in the back convienent for sea travelers. [...] top floor with open beam ceilings [...] Nice wet bar used for entertaining purposes.Two master suites, laundry facility,pool table & pingpong.

I don't mean to be cruel, but whoever wrote that pathetic description needs a spanking. Are "Very unique," "Very nice" and "Nice" the best you can come up with? When you note the "nice wet bar" is "for entertaining purposes", exactly what other purpose would a "nice wet bar" serve? Rinsing your gold fish? And the "convienent for sea travelers" bit had me in stitches for a good 7 seconds.

It's pretty clear anyone taking on this albatross and pricing it well over its previous, unsuccessful list price is either desperate or a moron (or both), and the description certainly does not contradict that contention.

Amusingly, the Zestimate for this property has plummeted from $465,500 in April to $375,000 today, a 20% drop.

Update 10/23/08: The property is now on Craigslist. There's a broker's tour where everyone's invited. Probably to refresh their memory, since the last such tour must have occurred over a year ago.

$589000 *****BEAUTIFUL CONDO WITH GREAT VIEW OF ALAMEDA BRIDGE**** (alameda) (map)

---

Reply to: greg@losnessgroup.com ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-23, 9:15PM PDT

2022 HIGH DR, ALAMEDA CA

PROPERTY AMENITIES


* Beautiful Top Floor Condo with Very Unique View of the Alameda Bridge

* Boat Dock in the back with Two Slots to Park any Boats you Have

* Laundry Facilities Downstairs in the Underground Area

* Recreation Room with Ping Pong Table, Darts, and a Pool Table

* Large Gated Underground Parking with Two Deeded Spaces

* 2 Bedroom 2 Bath Condo Both are Master Suites

* Large Kitchen Overlooking the Family Room

* Patio Overlooking the Water and an Amazing View of the Bridge

* Wet Bar Located in Family Room Perfect for Parties and Entertaining

* 1,450 Square Feet of Livable Space

* Bring Me Your Offers



BROKERS TOUR ON TUESDAY OCTOBER 28TH FROM 10-1PM, EVERYONE IS INVITED



CONTACT GREGORY STEPHENS FOR INFORMATION AND VIEWINGS

Phone #: (408)288-3500ext201 Email: greg@losnessgroup.com



2022 High St at Fernside Blvd

Old is the new new, it seems. Out of four new listings on the MLS today, three are relists that were covered on this blog the last time they were active. The largest of all three is a newer home on the west end at 2418 Coral Sea Street. It was previously listed at $849,000, which was already a money-losing proposition from the previous sale price of $877,500, so it's not that surprising that it's been relisted for almost the same price, $829,000 (MLS(r) #40376560). Of course it's not going to sell at that price either, but that doesn't matter.

Good luck, or not.

You may remember 609 Fortress Isle, a lagoon rancher that languished on the market for a while last summer at a grotesquely high $1,199,000. In case you forgot, here's what Craigslist had to say about it:

Description
$290,000 WORTH OF IMPROVEMENTS/UPGRADES/RENOVATIONS!!! Georgeous 3 Bedrooms, 2 Baths Custom Estate on very large Cul-de-sac Lot on the Lagoon will leave you breathless.  Entrance has room for artifacts. Grand room w/ majestic stone, wood burning fireplace. A solid wall of Panoramic windows overlooking large deck & length of lagoon. Upgraded galley kitchen and large BR's. This home is a true showplace. Private Boat Dock, stunning large deck for entertaining with stair lighting ambience. Incredible dining room with panoramic windows, A/C, central heating, track lighting, and skylight. Remodeled kitchen with pergo floors, Andersen Bay Window. Upgraded bathroom with pergo floor, light fixtures, and mirrors. Relaxed Living on the Water! Convenient to Alameda Towne, schools, and transportation. Close to the Beach. Quiet South Shore neighborhood.

Well, it's back (MLS(r) #40376581), and you can have it for...

$850,000.

That's right. A $349,000 haircut all at once. That's 29% off. And yes, it's the same house:

One of the largest lagoon homes on the South Shore, [...] water views from many windows, its own private boat dock and a large sunny wraparound deck, grassy play/garden area. [...] stone fireplace, updated kitchen, bonus sunporch. Many upgrades.

I can only imagine what it must feel like if you were a buyer who lowballed at, say, $1,099,000 and got rejected.

Notably, this is one of three relists in today's batch of four "new" MLS(r) listings (although one of those has apparently been foreclosed on since I wrote about it, so it's technically not a relist, I suppose).

Today's craigslist post describes the property at 1828 9th Street as "A real find," perhaps due to its somewhat hard-to-get-to location. It doesn't describe it as an "overpriced find," lest it scare potential buyers away, but it might as well. Here are the specs:

3 bedrooms (public records) or 2 bedrooms (listings), 1 bathroom, 1,011 sqft, 4,445-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40376427, $519,000

$519000 First Open House Sunday Oct. 19. (alameda) (map)

---

Reply to: hous-884791028@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-18, 10:18PM PDT

This home hit the market Saturday. A real find. Excellent 2 bedroom bungalow on a quiet street in Alameda. Lots of upgrades and care make this home shine. Just over 1,000 sq. ft. of living space. Hardwood flooring in bedrooms and living room and dining room. Fireplace in living room.
You'll love the gardens on the side and rear. Redwood tree in a quiet setting off the 2-car garage. Lots of parking. Laundry porch over a very useful basement which has a separate room suitable for work and recreation.
Good condition indicated by "termite report" and "home inspection report" available at the property.
Very nice neighborhood.
Check that price! Call for a convenient visit by appointment. 510-508-1215.

Sure, $519,000 is lower than most recently-listed homes on the market, but it only has 1 bathroom, and it's very small; $513 / sqft is much too high.

The sellers might be able to drop the price, assuming they're not too stubbornly set on the magical $500,000 threshold, given:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 04/16/2002: $386,000

2007 Property Tax: $5,458

But then again, they might not have to, considering the Alameda market's remarkable willingness to overpay.

You may remember a hapless Victorian on a busy block of Park street nestled amidst such lovely amenities as a party store, a tire store, and a laundromat. It was on the market last spring, for no less than $925,000, and the owner was making a big deal of having spent over $120,000 on renovations. Well, what do you know, it's back as MLS(r) #40376306 for considerably less, $708,500, which is still obscenely high for that poor old wreck in that wretched location.

As much as I love Victorians and want to see them preserved, I'm afraid there isn't much to save here, even though the building itself has appealing specs (except for the tiny lot):

4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 bathrooms, 2,672 sqft, 3,744-sqft lot

[...] As is sale. Upper level,, with hardwood floors [...] Lower level under construction, designed and approved for another 3 bedrooms.1 bath

The sale history is edifying: not a single arms-length transaction in the bunch.

Sale History
06/03/2008:	$644,100 *
12/07/2005:	$163,000 *
04/18/2003:	$112,000 *
No other sale data is available

Today's listing is mysterious (MLS(r) #40375723). The property description has more exclamation points (10) than letters or spaces (9):

Great buy!!!!!!!!!!

The house itself is a hair over 1,000 sqft (on a 2,970-sqft lot), yet it boasts 2 stories, 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. It's currently listed at $545,000. It makes me wonder if it's just a shotgun house that someone stood upright (no good photos available). The public records on Zillow indicate only 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom, and a bizarrely expensive transaction in 2007:

Sale History
10/04/2007:	$770,000 *
12/29/2004:	$550,000
01/07/1999:	$167,318
05/18/1993:	$149,500
* Transaction not included in Zestimate.

Maybe the 2007 transaction was some intra-family transfer with a fraudulent jacked-up appraisal for tax purposes, although I'm not sure why I'd participate in some funky scheme for the privilege of paying over $7,000 in property tax. Whatever the case may be, there is no way in hell a small bungalow on a small lot on a mediocre part of a sub-prime avenue was ever worth close to $770,000, so something fishy is going on.

Whatever the case may be, though, this great buy is listed for less than was paid for it not just the last time around, but the time before that as well, which is a first on this blog.

Today's craigslist post isn't an individual listing--it's an ad for yet another Warmington development on the island.

Grand Marina Village by Warmington Residential California (alameda)

---

Reply to: hous-880033670@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-15, 8:04AM PDT


Grand Street, this picturesque waterfront community will offer views of Oakland and Coast Guard Island and is set just minutes from Park Street downtown near shopping and restaurants. Here you will enjoy charming three-level Craftsman and Bungalow-style homes with approximately 2,152 to 2,373 square feet—just steps from the water,and marina. Anticipated opening - Spring 2009.Anticipated pricing in the high-$700,000s.

For more information and photos vist
http://www.firstreleasehomes.com/locate/4719/detail/grand-marina-village/

For more new homes from this builder visit.
http://www.firstreleasehomes.com/locate/builder/warmingtonbayarea/?d=0&id=4719

Silly me. I thought there were enough homes for sale in the "high-$700,000s" around here already.

Yet another tiny little house got Craigslisted today, with a "coming soon" notice. In the far east part of Encinal, today's bite-size Cape Cod has the following specs:

2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 848 sqft, 3,996-sqft lot, $525,000

Whether someone is a first time buyer or wants to simplify and downsize, this 2 bedroom, 1 bath Cape Cod style home offers a fabulous choice. It's simply brimming with charm and curb appeal.

Xeriscape-inspired landscaping. Great for water-conservation efforts. Three fountains front and back --- a tribute to feng shui principles. There’s even a meditation nook!

Location, location, location! On desirable East End. Easy walk to schools, shopping areas. And easy access to highways.

COMING SOON!

In case you didn't pay attention in Greek class, "xeriscape" means "drought-tolerant landscaping", or desert-y trees and shrubs and such. It's a great idea in areas where water is scarce--certainly better than a golf course in the middle of the desert. Of course, having three fountains completely defeats the purpose, but I'll be generous and assume they're closed-circuit, reclaimed rain water fountains (Ms. Dimacali confirms this).

The lot is large for a house this small, and it seems to be in pretty good shape, but if you want my $525,000, you need to give me more than 848 square feet. Sorry, folks, but $619 / sqft? You can feng my shui.

Hopefully you didn't get your dry plants using a big meditative HELOC and you'll be able to drop the price closer to where it belongs (suggestion: start the price with the digit "3" and we might have something to talk about):

Last sale and tax info

Sold 04/11/2003: $402,000

2007 Property Tax: $5,556

Haven't you noticed the whole real estate market is its own version of a xeriscape these days?

Update 10/29/08: New copy on Craigslist.

$525000 OPEN SUN 2-4 CHARM CHARM CHARM-GARDEN GARDEN GARDEN (alameda)

You forgot "overpriced overpriced overpriced."

Pacita Dimacali is one of Alameda's most active agents. She posts on craigslist, Trulia, and this little blog. We've had our disagreements about marketing fluff, but we have a very cordial relationship. Today I want to recognize Ms. Dimacali's talent for embellishing the unembellishable, pitching the unpitchable, and listing the unsellable, by reproducing her latest Craigslist post in its resigned, shoulder-shrugging entirety. Brace yourselves, because it's a doozie.

1715 Schiller
Help beautify Alameda --- fix up this home!

2BR/1BA Single Family House
       
Year Built     1925
Sq Footage     856
Bedrooms     2
Bathrooms     1 full, 0 partial
Floors     1
Parking     Unspecified
Lot Size     2,520 sqft

DESCRIPTION
Help make Alameda look beautiful and fix up this house!

Not the worst of the worst, but close to it. This is a home a contractor would love. Spanish bungalow needs a total makeover. (Yes, it’s a fixer.)

The dining room was turned into a bedroom 30 years ago, without permits.

The roof leaks. There are holes in the ceiling, the walls, and the floor. Wood floors need refinishing. Paint is peeling inside and out. The bathroom and the kitchen are not pretty. The appliances stay, if you want them. Rickety back stairs. There is no heat, no cooling.

It is chockfull of stuff, including an abandoned Silverado truck in the driveway, a VW Convertible in the garage, and a jet-ski in the backyard.

Its real value lies in the fact that it is a detached single family home on a small lot, albeit a fixer, in the beautiful city of Alameda.

After I was done laughing, I asked myself the following questions:

1. what would possess any sane agent to take on this listing?
2. how does being a tiny fixer on a tiny lot in a crappy part of town constitute "real value"?
3. why on earth is all that junk still on the premises?
4. if the dining room is a bedroom, where does one eat?
5. when was the last time anybody lived in that hovel (anybody human, that is)?
6. what the hell is wrong with whoever priced that monstrosity at (drum roll) $350,000?
   

You read right: three hundred fifty thousand dollars. For a leaky, unpermitted, junk-filled, 856-sqft dump on a cocktail-napkin lot on the north end of civilization. $409 per miserable, rotten square foot. This monstrosity was last sold almost 40 years ago for 2 grand, and sadly it really isn't worth much more than that now. Heck, I'd be half tempted to ask for a property tax refund. Like hazard pay.

Last sale and tax info

Sold 11/10/1969: $2,000

2007 Property Tax: $1,265

Ms. Dimacali: Are you bored? Desperate for a challenge? Doing a friend a favor? What is going on here? 

TODAY'S LISTING IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ALL-CAPS DESCRIPTIONS. I almost wrote an entire blog post in caps but decided against it when it became apparent I couldn't stand to write (or read) more than 3 lines.

2919 Fernside is a large-ish Mediterranean home in the "prestigious" Fernside district, with substantially diverging specs depending on where you look.

Zillow (public records) says: 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,711 sqft, 4,100-sqft lot

Real estate sites say: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2000 sqft, approx. 3,920-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40375131, $799,000

PRESTIGIOUS FERNSIDE DIST. [...] AMAZING HOME HAS 3 BED,INCLUDING A PENTHOUSE MASTER BEDROOM W/SKYLIGHT, [...] COUNTRY KITCHEN [...] LARGE MEDIA ROOM,WITH BATH, [...] PROFESSIONALLY LANDSCAPED YARD. COMPLETE 3 BATHROOMS. 100 YR OLD BRASILIAN TREE

The copy in the description is not only all caps, it's completely discombobulated, but no matter. Maybe the media room used to be one of the 4 public-records bedrooms, and the 3rd bath was added on?

In another stunning turn of events, the agent's "here's how much we need" comparative market analysis used to set the listing price came out to almost exactly the seller's previous price + 6% commission:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 07/08/2005: $755,000

2007 Property Tax: $9,249

Update 10/15/08: Pictures went up. EBRD will have to accept their copyright claim is bogus when someone posts resized screenshots--I just have to post this delicious photo.

Update 10/16/08: It's getting weirder every day. They fixed the picture today--by flipping it so it's right side up. It's still a resume, not a house. In case you can't read, it starts with...

Frederick O. O'XXXXX
2xxx Shoreline Drive #XXXX
[...]
OBJECTIVE
To XXXX a challenging position XXXX

The art of flipping is still alive and well, in spite of the market's current malaise. Today's flip is a large Victorian in an area noted for its small lots and tiny homes, the 400-500 blocks of Santa Clara. First, the specs:

4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 2,366 sqft, 7,120-sqft lot, 1x2BR, 1x3BR units, MLS(r) #40374744, $819,000

Gorgeous Victorian on a huge lot. Totally remodeled from top to bottom with permits. New appliances, flooring, granite counter tops, cabinets, fresh paint in and out, etc. [...] Long driveway parks many cars.

I don't know about gorgeous, but there's photographic evidence it was being worked on not terribly long ago, thanks to Google's ruthless street view camera:

I can't vouch for this, but this property doesn't look like it was born a multi-family residence. I'd bet it was raised and chopped up into two units at some point in its long history, and as a result it looks just wrong, especially when you compare it to real two-story Victorians on the island.

The sale history reveals truly inspired financial reasoning on the owner's part:

Last sale and tax info

Sold 11/15/2006: $560,000

2007 Property Tax: $2,023

I suspect it went something like this: "Let's buy this place, spend a hundred K fixing it up, and flip it! We're gonna be RICH! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAAA!"

Except there are a lot of other pretty Victorian MFHs, some with 4 units (and therefore much better rental upside potential; at least you're not losing 50% of your revenue when one tenant moves out), many in better areas, most about the same size, that just aren't selling, even when listed for a lot less than this property's delusional $819,000 asking price.

Did anyone do a cash flow analysis of this beast? A quick back-of-the-envelope calculation puts the mortgage alone at $4,700 / month (assuming 10% down and 6.5% loan); add $700 for property tax and $500 for maintenance (a low estimate to reflect the fact the house was just renovated) and you need $5,900 / month in rent just to break even. I don't know about you, but I ain't paying $3,000 a month to live in a Vic basement in that part of town, even if I can use the long driveway to practice my bowling skills all day. And if all you want is a big house to live in for yourself, you can rent one just 5 sqft smaller for $3,500 a month. That's close to $30,000 savings every year, or tuition and board at any good 4-year public college in California.

Restoring old homes is a wonderful, laudable enterprise. Expecting to flip them for a massive profit is not. I just hope this doesn't cost these idiots' kids a chance to get the good education their parents obviously didn't get. Or maybe they skipped the intro math classes.

Update 10/31/08: It didn't take long for the first price drop. We're down to a still excessive $780,000. I'm almost ready to bet there's going to be another one before the end of November.