Living the dream--1715 Lincoln Avenue, Alameda, CA
The ugly little corrugated shack at 1715 Lincoln Avenue has been on the market since June of this year, but I never wrote about it until now. It's such an unsellable crackerbox on a busy street I don't see how anybody would be interested in reading about it, much less buy it. But I've been silent long enough. Maybe the vacuous, cloying platitudes dished out throughout the holiday season have worn me down; or maybe yet another year of reading the same vapid garbage in real estate listings has finally tripped a switch. No matter--let it be written, let it be done.
1715 Lincoln Avenue has the following pathetic little specs:
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What if you did use this as a business and a residence: how exactly do you fit both a thriving business of any size and its owner's living space in a 1-bedroom Tupperware? Almost by definition, nothing "abounds" in a house the size of a gazebo, except maybe cockroaches, and certainly not "possibilities".
Seriously,dear readers, do you or anyone you know
entertain the hope, nay, the dream, of someday living in a slapdash
World-War-II-era nail salon?
And what exactly is affordable about a $432 / sqft price tag for what is arguably one of the least appealing properties to come on the market in years?
Stop the inanity! Just call a spade a spade and stop embellishing the unembellishable! And for the love of Pete, get a thesaurus and forever banish from your vocabulary those meaningless, vacuous cheerleading bromides that serve no purpose than to highlight your complete lack of creativity and/or make better copywriters angry.
Happy new year to all. May prices fall another 15% and option ARMs default by the thousands.
Update 1/5/10: Ms. Dimacali helpfully switched her post back to the old version, which has the following description:
The "Wear Your Pajamas to Work" title adds to the property's extra classy appeal as a potential nail salon across from a liquor store.
Update 1/18/10: After dropping to $349,999 (maybe a typo?), your next dream house came roaring back at $399,000.
Update 1/22/10: It's back at $349,999.
1715 Lincoln Avenue has the following pathetic little specs:
1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 923 sqft. 2,280-sqft lot, MLS(r) #40415778, $399,000 ($432 / sqft)The MLS(r) listing is sedate and descriptive enough, and there's really nothing wrong with it. But what really got my goat today is the off-MLS(r) listing on Craigslist, reproduced below:
LIVE/WORK.COMMERCIAL ZONE. Good set-up for home based business. [...] Spacious living room.Large storage.laundry room. Small fenced in yard/patio. [...] Enclosed porch. Was used for business then, as residence today, or as either/both tomorrow.
Do you know anyone (not currently homeless or mentally deranged) who dreams of living in a tiny 923-sqft double-wide box planted on a tiny 2,280-sqft lot at one of the busier, uglier intersections in town (Lincoln and Grand), across from a liquor/convenience store, nestled between other ugly houses and busy businesses, and altered countless times to satisfy the needs of various non-residential activities in the 69 years since it was built (as an earlier, and evidently unsuccessful, incarnation of this listing once intimated)?$399000 Are you ready to make your dream come true? Live/Work at Grand Station (alameda) (map)
Date: 2009-12-29, 7:02AM PST
Reply to: [redacted to protect the guilty]
[photos]
ZONED COMMERCIAL AND RESIDENTIAL. What a fabulous opportunity to have your business where you live. Possibilities abound in this 1 bedroom/1 bath house, enclosed porch with large picture windows.
Nail salon? Beauty parlor? Retail? Professional service? Office? YES!
Across from Alameda's Gaslight Emporium, on Lincoln and Grand. Convenient location at an affordable price.
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What if you did use this as a business and a residence: how exactly do you fit both a thriving business of any size and its owner's living space in a 1-bedroom Tupperware? Almost by definition, nothing "abounds" in a house the size of a gazebo, except maybe cockroaches, and certainly not "possibilities".
Seriously,
And what exactly is affordable about a $432 / sqft price tag for what is arguably one of the least appealing properties to come on the market in years?
Stop the inanity! Just call a spade a spade and stop embellishing the unembellishable! And for the love of Pete, get a thesaurus and forever banish from your vocabulary those meaningless, vacuous cheerleading bromides that serve no purpose than to highlight your complete lack of creativity and/or make better copywriters angry.
Happy new year to all. May prices fall another 15% and option ARMs default by the thousands.
Update 1/5/10: Ms. Dimacali helpfully switched her post back to the old version, which has the following description:
DescriptionLIVE/WORK. Rare opportunity to have a building in a commercial zone. Was used as realty office and an "antiquery". Use as a residence, a place of business, or both. Tremendous value in its zoning classification, among other businesses on the same block. Directly across from Alameda's Gaslight Emporium, at historic Grand Station. Cross street is Grand Avenue.
Was probably built as a bungalow, but when porch was enclosed, it was "modernized." Enclosed porch could be used as the office/reception area. Large display windows in front. Garage and driveway for 2 plus vehicle parking. Separate and spacious storage and laundry room. Fenced in patio for outdoor entertaining and cook-outs. Living/Dining room, eat-in kitchen, one bedroom and one bath.
The "Wear Your Pajamas to Work" title adds to the property's extra classy appeal as a potential nail salon across from a liquor store.
Update 1/18/10: After dropping to $349,999 (maybe a typo?), your next dream house came roaring back at $399,000.
Update 1/22/10: It's back at $349,999.
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