Gaaaaah--1594 Pacific Avenue, Alameda, CA
"Gaaaaah!" was my reaction as the property photo finally loaded after I had summoned the Redfin page for today's wretched, hideous miniature bungalow at 1594 Pacific. This monument to stuntedness has the following picayune specs:
Now paint it pink.
I'm not kidding. Not Barbie-flesh pink, not Pepto-pink, more like a half-licked Jordan almond from an old wedding reception, spit out and left to fade in the summer sun in the back of your car.
Now imagine paying $453 / sqft, or $359,900 for this minuscule monstrosity, and you might very well choke on that Jordan almond. But what's even more Heimlich-worthy is that somebody paid half a million dollars (that's US dollars, not Zimbabwean dollars) for this unsellable midget:
In all fairness, though, the Casitas Pequeñas gang does have a strong presence in the hood, so I should probably stop being mean lest they puncture the soles of my shoes with their tiny little gold-capped teeth.
2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 795 sqft, 1,450-sqft lot, MLS(r) 40405051, $359,900Imagine, if you will, a teeny-tiny chintzy little turn-of-the-century broom closet, "improved" over the years to resemble the worst of post-war Orange County tract sprawl, complete with super-classy aluminum-framed windows, sitting on a lot barely as large as the average house discussed on this blog.REO/Bank Owned. Sunny and cute home located in a very nice neighborhood [...] Hardwood Floor with large kitchen. Large basement is handy for storage and work room.
Now paint it pink.
I'm not kidding. Not Barbie-flesh pink, not Pepto-pink, more like a half-licked Jordan almond from an old wedding reception, spit out and left to fade in the summer sun in the back of your car.
Now that you've been warned, here it is:
Now imagine paying $453 / sqft, or $359,900 for this minuscule monstrosity, and you might very well choke on that Jordan almond. But what's even more Heimlich-worthy is that somebody paid half a million dollars (that's US dollars, not Zimbabwean dollars) for this unsellable midget:What doesn't help this poor house's case is that the 1500 block of Pacific is home to some beautiful properties such as the newly-painted dark green colonial Blockhaus at the corner of Benton, a pretty purple Victorian on the north side, a large, towery Queen Anne at the corner of Stanton, and two gorgeous Italianates on either side of the street a little further east.Property History for 1594 PACIFIC Ave
Date Event Price Apr 15, 2009 Listed $359,900 Feb 20, 2009 Sold $415,000 Sep 12, 2006 Sold $500,000 Jun 02, 2006 Price Changed * May 04, 2006 Listed * Jul 13, 1990 Sold $168,000
In all fairness, though, the Casitas Pequeñas gang does have a strong presence in the hood, so I should probably stop being mean lest they puncture the soles of my shoes with their tiny little gold-capped teeth.
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