Anger Management--3041 Linda Vista, Alameda, CA
Few things aggravate me more than marketing copy written and typeset by imbeciles. The real estate industry's idiotic practice of capitalizing semi-random (but important!) words is a particularly noxious habit.
It's not that hard. Even those pompous pedants Strunk and White could have taught you about two simple ways to add emphasis: simply 1) edit out the unimportant words and/or 2) use typographical devices like bold face, underline, or italics (even if you should avoid underlines on the Web, that's still two devices to make your text stand out).
Don't just Capitalize words Whenever you Feel Like it. It's like shouting quietly--it's both rude and pointless.
Today's remarkable specimen of copy-writing ineptitude is a condo in 94502, aka "The Perfect Home!":
Listed at $489,000, this 3+2 townhouse is also the Perfect Opportunity, an Amazing Example of Real Estate Investment Savvy:
Screw your faux poetry, too. No, sunshine does not "invite[s] you in"--it draws people out, you Capital Cretin, because that happens to be where the sun is located, and even you should know it's all about location, location, location.
Screw your lowercase stainless, you majuscule moron. Screw your risible run-on, and screw your intemperate infatuation with those hateful phallic and monotesticular marks, those devalued hallmarks of cheap and misplaced emphasis, the eleven exclamation points that litter your barely literate drivel.
I hope that condo stays on the market until airplanes start landing in the Casitas' quiet Court-yard.
Update 9/7/08: Reader Cheechster is upset with me and wants me to stop being so mean. S/he also points out the property sold. I did find a record of it on a broker site, at a lower price, and it says "pending" (not "sold"). We'll see if it stays in escrow, and how much it did sell for.
It's not that hard. Even those pompous pedants Strunk and White could have taught you about two simple ways to add emphasis: simply 1) edit out the unimportant words and/or 2) use typographical devices like bold face, underline, or italics (even if you should avoid underlines on the Web, that's still two devices to make your text stand out).
Don't just Capitalize words Whenever you Feel Like it. It's like shouting quietly--it's both rude and pointless.
Today's remarkable specimen of copy-writing ineptitude is a condo in 94502, aka "The Perfect Home!":
Come and visit this very special home, where the perfect combination of Location, Charm and Updating will capture your attention! Located in a serene and quiet Court-yard setting in the Casitas HOA, within Walking Distance to the Harbor Bay Shopping Center, the Park, Lagoon Trails and Transportation, this tastefully upgraded home offers you 3 Bedrooms and one full and one half baths. Sunshine invites you in to discover the fully updated Kitchen with stainless Steel Appliances and Eco-Friendly cabinets. New Windows and Sliding Glass Doors, plus Laminated floors and Tile on the First-Floor add Elegance to this home. Enjoy the Wood –burning Fireplace and the beautifully landscaped, sunny patio. Inside Laundry and a very spacious Two Car Garage, which offers plenty of additional Storage possibilities, make this Home more than special!
Listed at $489,000, this 3+2 townhouse is also the Perfect Opportunity, an Amazing Example of Real Estate Investment Savvy:Screw you, Uli Realtor, and screw your capitals. Perhaps the Teutonic tinge of your patronym explain your terrible typography when it comes to nouns--but there is no excuse for all those poor adjectives! Why is Sliding stressed, but stainless small? Why is Walking wide while a lowercase landscaped languishes?Last sale and tax info
- Sold 01/07/2005: $481,000
- 2007 Property Tax: $6,446
Screw your faux poetry, too. No, sunshine does not "invite[s] you in"--it draws people out, you Capital Cretin, because that happens to be where the sun is located, and even you should know it's all about location, location, location.
Screw your lowercase stainless, you majuscule moron. Screw your risible run-on, and screw your intemperate infatuation with those hateful phallic and monotesticular marks, those devalued hallmarks of cheap and misplaced emphasis, the eleven exclamation points that litter your barely literate drivel.
I hope that condo stays on the market until airplanes start landing in the Casitas' quiet Court-yard.
Update 9/7/08: Reader Cheechster is upset with me and wants me to stop being so mean. S/he also points out the property sold. I did find a record of it on a broker site, at a lower price, and it says "pending" (not "sold"). We'll see if it stays in escrow, and how much it did sell for.
(screenshot retrieved on 9/7/08 at 11:02am PDT)
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